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Pail FriendsIssue No. 95 ..............August 15, 1997............Eighteenth Year
E-Mail: babytom@well.com World Wide Web = www.dpf.com
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Pail FriendsTwo IdeasDear Friends, Two ideas are running through my mind today - one simple, the other quite complex. The simple one is just some good news. I am happy to announce that we're attracting more women into our community, This issue's Roster contains a greater percentage of women than ever before.. It think it's partly due to the impact of the Internet, which seems to allow more girls and women to find us. I know many members will be happy with this development. One the happiest will be my good friend, Denise, who's marvelous letter on this subject, "Girls Welcome", is found on page 25. The other is, well, just much more complex. It was triggered by a very meaningful letter I received from Michael Turner (see page 8). Like quite of few of us, Michael had lots of problems with his parents (especially his Dad) when he was a child. As a result, he has difficulty feeling good about himself, and is only now beginning to make some progress. I believe that his task, and the task for many of us, is not an easy one. The problem is, in my opinion, that we can never totally erase the damage done to us when we were young, even with the assistance of therapy. These old (let's call them "tapes") are just too deeply imbedded, too deeply ingrained. Nevertheless, I also believe that it is possible to create a new set of behaviors and feelings (new "tapes") that are positive and allow us to make use of the real talents and skills we were born with. Our new "tapes" will then coexist concurrently in our brains with the old "tapes", and this will create a rather interesting and challenging experience. Let me use my own experience to explain what I mean. My father never really took the time to know who I really was. Instead, he put demands on me to excel in ways that were not part of the real me. In addition, he often said things that made me feel totally worthless and incapable. As I grew up, however (in a process still enfolding), I began to recognize in myself some wonderful skills and talents. Gradually I found ways to create new tapes that allowed me to use my talents and to feel good about myself. To my surprise, I found that my two tapes, the old one and the new one, continued to coexits in my mind. What I learned is that sometimes I can sort of stand back and watch my old "tape" playing in my mind, but as I watch it I can also say something to the effect of, "Nah, this is just my old tape playing. It's wrong. It was created when I was young, but it is not the real me. I don't have to really believe it". Of course I don't actually think these thoughts, but I use them just as a way of describing the emotional process. I can then let my new tape play and can see myself as I really am, and relish in the satisfaction and happiness that it gives me. I hope this little editorial will give some confidence to Michael and
anyone else who may benefit from my experience. I hope that Michael can
gradually, over the years, learn to play his new "tape", one that
reflects his true self and his true talents. Although his old tape may never
go away, I hope he can learn to observe when it is playing and to stand
back and say, "Nah, that's not the real me". I also hope that
all of you can benefit in some way from this idea. Love, |
Contents - (Highlights=**)Helpful Hints.....................................2 |
